Unexpectedly, Colin Kaepernick, a former NFL quarterback and well-known human rights activist, has made a pleading case to be added back to an NFL team. And what do you know? Never again will he kneel during the playing of the national anthem! That’s correct, people. The guy who used to stand—or rather, kneel—as a symbol of defiance against racial injustice appears to be ready to stand tall—but only if he gets to play ball.

Seated in a dimly lit room with just one lighting shining on him, Kaepernick walked to the platform dressed in a costume that suspiciously looked like it was made out of old 49ers shirts. With tears running down his face, he said, “I’ve had a change of heart.” “I swear, I will stand during the playing of the national anthem if any team wins me back. If necessary, I’ll even join in on the song!”

There were gasps across the room, and everything sounded real. Was this the same man who had opposed police brutality so forcefully in the past? The same guy who, in the struggle against racial injustice, had come to represent hope to many others?

NFL teams answered right away. In a statement, the Cleveland Browns stated, “We’re considering it.” We could work something out if he could promise that there will be no more kneeling and perhaps even include a little tap dance at halftime.

The Miami Dolphins, however, had a slightly different perspective. A representative for them stated, “We’ve seen this before.” “He starts off saying things like, ‘I won’t kneel,’ ‘I won’t speak out,’ and before you know it, he’s going back to what he did before.” When we witness it, we will believe it.

Never ones to hold back when expressing their thoughts, NFL fans had plenty to say. Texas Joe exclaimed, “I knew it! That entire act of kneeling was merely a publicity ploy. He wants to return to the spotlight now that he’s out of it. Typical. Sarah from California, meanwhile, made the following comment: “This has to be a prank, right? Kaepernick would never say that, for sure. This is all just a front to get back into the NFL and then kneel once more, I bet. Brilliant!

The true cause of Kaepernick’s abrupt change of heart has been the subject of circulating rumors. Some claim he needs the NFL salary to restock on Nike sneakers because he is out of them. Some people think he’s been practicing his singing covertly and intends to make his major debut with the national anthem. There are also those who believe he is just incredibly bored.

Families and close friends of Colin Kaepernick were as stunned as the rest of us. Swimmy, his goldfish pet who has stuck by him through thick and thin, was apparently so distraught that he wouldn’t go swimming for an hour. Tim, a childhood buddy of Kaepernick, remarked, “I never saw this coming.” We were discussing ways for him to increase his activism last week, and now this? I’m beginning to believe that he may have struck his head.

The NFL teams are considering Kaepernick’s offer, and everyone is waiting impatiently. Will he return to the field, poised and ready to perform the national anthem? Or will everything prove to be a cunning ploy, a humorous assessment of the status of the world?

Time will tell. For the time being, though, we can all take in the show and speculate about what other shocks 2023 has in store for us.